why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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