yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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