I wish you could order shots online.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
