We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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