I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
