You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
