this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
