Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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