I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
