i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I AM VODKA MAN
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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