I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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