youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
