i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
