A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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