Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize