Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
