Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
