oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No subtext here. People are naked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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