i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
