Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
