i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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