So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he thought i was a dude.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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