We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
