im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
