Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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