I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
