dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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