everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
