I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
