I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
