Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize