fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
