Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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