i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
