Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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