Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
