so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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