Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
