I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
