I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize