If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
