i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
