angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
