He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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