i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
