We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
