guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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