giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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