Dual....:-)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
