That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
