I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
