His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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