I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
