we have pet lesbian snakes
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
