My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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