So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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