So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize