my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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