Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize