The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
