1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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