my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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