He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize