with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize