In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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