You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
