you guys were way drunker than both of me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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