I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
