Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize