I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
