hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
