I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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