you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
