I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
