Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is Oprah even human
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
