I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
