Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize