im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
