You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
