I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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